I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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