i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
