the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
