I cannot find my penis.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
