i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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