so that wasnt chicken after all
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
