forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
