You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
