big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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