ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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