i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
