So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
