i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
