sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
