So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
