There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
