I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
