It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
