I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
