test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
