shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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