were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
