Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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