I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
