This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
