does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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