i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
