would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize