i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Two words: nipple clamps
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