and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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