omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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