I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
