you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
