Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
