We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
