idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm both gender and math confused
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
