Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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