yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
