Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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