This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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