Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
