he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
