We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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