It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
