I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
