so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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