just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it wasn't lemon gatorade
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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