I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
one might say we're banned from that church
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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