I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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