3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
