so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
