i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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